


Another Cloudy Day

by mggislife2789



Category: Criminal Minds, Spencer Reid - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Post-Break Up, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-08
Updated: 2017-07-09
Packaged: 2018-11-29 15:36:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11443872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mggislife2789/pseuds/mggislife2789
Summary: Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters or their original stories. This is only for fun. It's where my brain goes after the credits roll. No copyright intended. Better safe than sorry. ;)





	1. Chapter 1

I thought I was over this!

The thought kept rolling through your head. The problem was, it was like clouds in the sky. Just when you thought they’d rolled on through, another batch made it’s way over your head, blocking you from the sun. In this case, the sun was supposed to be your life without Spencer, but you missed him so much.

He was still a regular part of your life; you worked with him, but you were no longer together and you missed him in that way. Not even just sexual, you missed cuddling on the couch at night. You missed late night and early morning kisses. You missed him making your coffee in the morning because he knew exactly how you liked it and always woke up before you. You missed all of it. Spencer had to go and have a panic attack about commitment. The last time he’d committed himself to someone, she’d been killed in front of him, and somehow the genius with an IQ of 187 figured that breaking up with someone would keep that from happening. Fighting about it didn’t work. He was adamant, and so he’d broken your heart. 

It had been three months since you’d broken up, and so most days, you were okay. You were hurt, but you had moved on and tried your best to respect his wishes. But then there were days like today, where no matter how hard you tried you missed him like the stars would miss the sky and couldn’t stave off the pain. 

After getting back from a case, you must’ve looked like hell, because even Emily noticed that you were off, and you were normally a professional at hiding your true feelings - always wearing the mask for the benefit of others. “Y/N, are you okay?” she asked. “You’ve been on and off for months now, but when you’re off, you’re really off.”

“I look that bad?” you asked. Emily nodded sympathetically, putting your hand on your shoulder. “Why don’t we go out for pizza and you can tell me about whatever it is that’s bugging you?”

You nodded and followed her out of the building, immediately putting on the mask again as Spencer and JJ passed by. By the time you got to the pizza place, she’d figured out what was wrong. “It’s Spencer, isn’t it?”

“Yea,” you said, shoving your face in your hands and rubbing your hands all over. Maybe rubbing your hands across your face would rid your body of this crappy feeling. Then again, probably not. “Most days I’m okay, you know? But other days, I just…can’t.”

Although the team knew you were dating, and had been privy to numerous details about your relationship, when you’d broken up, you’d thought it best to, at least for a time, keep the details of the breakup to yourselves, not wanting to pull any member of the team in either direction. Besides your relationship, you both agreed that keeping a good team dynamic post-breakup was important. This was the first time you’d comfortable telling anyone about your breakup. “He started panicking about commitment,” you finally said, not wanting to sparse your words. “Because what happened the last time he committed to someone?”

“She died,” Emily said sadly, finally understanding why you’d been in such a state the last few months. “But you were practically living together.”

You motioned your hands outward. “Yea, we were. I would’ve married him, Em. I still would. He’s going to die alone because he’s so afraid of loss. Believe me, I get being petrified of losing him or anyone, but that doesn’t mean I isolate myself from loving anyone at all. He’s just…how can anyone with that high of an IQ be so dumb?” You laughed out of frustration, grabbing your pizza and taking an enormous, pissed-off bite.

After eating a few bites, you put the slice down and continued, your rant taking the same form it normally did - starting angry and frustrated and devolving into frustrated and filled with sorrow. “I just really miss him, Em. I miss the small things. I miss the big things. And trying to keep up this mask so we don’t fuck up the dynamic of the team is killing me inside. I don’t know what to do.”

Emily came over to you, lifting the slice of pizza to your mouth. “You’re an enabler,” you said as your lips upturned slightly.

“I know,” she replied. “And I’m so sorry. Have you tried talking to him since? At least about how you’re feeling now, if not about the relationship itself?”

Shaking your head, you drowned your sorrows in another bite and shook your head. “I’ve been too afraid to try. Because I don’t want to look like a hot mess raccoon like I do now.” 

“You’re a sexy hot mess,” she laughed. She wrapped her arms around you and didn’t let go. At least five minutes went by before you pulled away.

Thinking you were okay, you started to joke around with her while still talking about your busted relationship with Spencer. “I just miss him so much, Em. When am I gonna get over this? I hate this,” you sobbed.

“I don’t know, babe,” she said softly, holding your head against her chest. “But you’re not alone.”

—-

Spencer had been wanting to ask Y/N how she was. Something was wrong with her, but he couldn’t tell what. It had been months since they’d broken up, so he honestly wondered whether or not something was wrong with her mother again. Maybe her breast cancer had come back? 

They weren’t together anymore, but he didn’t want her not to be able to confide in him. But she’d left with Emily before he could get a word in.

His stomach growled. He guessed he’d go pick up some pizza and maybe text Y/N when he got home. Things had been kind of tense for months, but he needed her to know he still cared.

Fifteen minutes later, after forgetting a book and numerous other things in his desk, he’d made it to the pizza place, only to see Emily and Y/N there, their backs facing him. That’s when he heard it. He’d been the one to do this to her. “I just miss him so much, Em. When am I gonna get over this? I hate this.”

Instantly, Spencer turned on his heels and rushed out of the restaurant. He’d been trying to keep her safe. People that got close to him always ended up dying; he loved her too much to want to do that to her - even if it hurt. But now seeing her actively hurting, he hated himself. He hated himself for being the cause of her pain. Was he wrong to push her away? He was just trying to do that right thing.


	2. The Sun Comes Out

Spencer’s mind raced as he walked home, his feet speeding up to keep up with his thoughts. Had he made a mistake in breaking up with Y/N? The last thing he wanted to do was hurt her; that’s why he’d broken it off in the first place. The idea of her hurting because of him was a thought he couldn’t bear, and yet here he was, walking down the street with the knowledge that Y/N was hurting, and it was 100 percent his fault. 

What was he supposed to do? 

In his confusion, he walked straight passed anywhere he could pick up something to eat and just headed home, grabbing something from his refrigerator and went to bed.

—-

“Y/N!”

Spencer screamed. He jumped out in front of her, in an attempt to shield her, but he was two seconds too late. The bullet tore through her arm. “Y/N, no, no, no, stay with me.

When he looked down, her arm was losing too much blood. “Spence, it’s okay,” she said. “You have to let me go.” Her breaths were coming fewer and further between, until all of a sudden, she slipped away from him, her eyes closing and her body going limp in his arms.

“No! No! We need a medic! Please! Quickly, we need a medic!” 

Placing her down on the ground, Spencer pressed on her arm, the deep crimson liquid squeezing through his fingers and down onto the ground beneath her. In desperation, he continued, ignoring the two fingers that reached in to touch her neck. “Kid,” Morgan said, “She’s gone.”

“No, she’ll be fine,” he said his voice cracking as the tears fell onto her cheeks. “She just needs the medics!” He screamed the last word - they weren’t getting there quickly enough. 

“Kid,” Morgan repeated. “She’s gone. Y/N is gone.”

“No, no, no, no…”

—-

“No!”

Spencer popped up from his bed, the blankets sticking to his body, now slick with sweat. She’d died. She’d died right in front of him. It had nothing to do with him or his work and she’d died anyway.

Without thinking, he hopped in the shower for the quickest one of his life, pulled on pajama pants and a t-shirt and drove over to Y/N’s apartment - not caring that it was barely 2 o’clock in the morning. 

When he got to her apartment, he took the stairs two at a time and came to knock on her door. He knocked for nearly five straight minutes before she walked to the door, buried in blankets and stared out the peephole. “Spencer?” she asked, her eyes still sleep heavy and her mind still clogged with thoughts of Spencer as she’d fallen asleep. “What are you doing here?”

“Open up,” he said. “Please.”

She swallowed hard and swung the door open, staring at him through cut eyes. “Spencer, it’s barely 2:15 A fucking M, you better have a good reason for waking me up at this ungodly hour.” Y/N had barely finished her sentence when Spencer stretched out his arms and wrapped them around her.

“You were dead,” he said softly. “You were dead and I couldn’t do anything about it. You were right. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” His voice cracked as he cried.

She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and pulled the blanket tighter, inviting Spencer in and closing the door behind him. “What happened?”

“I had a bad dream. I dreamt you died.”

“I got that,” she smiled softly, lifting her hand to the side of his face. “I assumed that considering you’re here at 2:15 AM, but what brought that on.”

Spencer reached out. “Can you sit in my lap?” he asked. “Just let me hold you for a second.” Having missed his touch, she did as he asked, sitting in silence for just a few moments. Eventually, he started up again, the words just flowing out of him. “I heard you talking with Emily at the pizza place. That you still love me, and that I hurt you. Tha-that was the last thing I wanted. I just wanted to keep you safe from me. People die around me and I can’t lose you.”

“But you lost me anyway,” she said softly, as she pushed the damp strands of brown hair out of his eyes. “You pushed me away.”

Tears stung at his eyes as he looked up. Even though he hurt her, she was still here wiping his tears away. “I know. I figured having you mad at me but alive was better than happy and dead, and then I heard you talking with Emily and thought maybe I made a mistake. I fell asleep, b-but I dreamt you died in my arms, and now I…I-”

“Shhh,” she said softly, wiping the continual stream of tears away with the pads of her thumbs. “I’m here. I’m okay. And I know you meant well, but if we all pulled away from people we were afraid to lose, we’d never love anyone. That’s no way to live.” Kissing the tip of his nose, she scooted off of his lap and cuddled into him. “Do you want to stay here tonight? We can figure this out in the morning.”

He nodded against her and held on tighter for a few more moments, assuring himself she was real. When she stood up, he took her hand and followed her to her bedroom, where he’d spent so many a night before. It felt familiar; the scent of her perfume stinging the sheets.

She lowered down onto the bed and he came up behind her, entwining his fingers in her own and pulling her closer to him. She felt so real. She was here and she was going to be okay; he began to cry softly to himself, the tears falling onto her skin. “Shhh,” she said, reaching backward to caress his cheek. “I’m okay…I’m here.”


End file.
